The Scorpion King

Today we were conned, and we didn't even see it coming. After our exhausting escapades into the rainforest, a trip to a relaxing and peaceful Butterfly Farm seemed the perfect antidote. We entered the farm, but before the butterflies the owner was particularly enthusiastic about showing us a few 'special creatures'.

Before we had the chance to object, Meg was handed a piece of sugar cane with a giant Three-Horned Rhinoceros Beetle on the end. Various other creepy-crawlies were then passed to us (and are likely to feature prominently in our dreams tonight) which included a Preying Mantis, a worryingly-well camouflaged Leaf Insect, a Cat-Eye Gecko and a giant frog.

But the 'best' was saved for last and Mark was delighted to have a live and poisonous scorpion dropped on him. We were later told that scorpions can only sting what is directly above their backs which seemed like the sort of information that would have been useful before it had started crawling up his arm towards his face!

Somewhere between our heartrates dropping from 180 bpm down to a more relaxed rate we saw a few less-memorable butterflies!

We decided that the only way to fully overcome that sort of stress was to have a nice leafy brew, and we headed for the local tea plantations. Checking that our cups didn't contain any nasty surprises we enjoyed our tea and cake in peace.

Our last destination for the day was a Strawberry Farm. The strawberries are grown hydroponically all over the highlands and Meg can verify that they taste great freshly picked! Claiming not to have seen the 'Please don't pick our strawberries' sign, Meg decided to sample just one. As she placed the strawberry into her mouth, a car alarm coincidentally went off - she almost choked in fright thinking she'd set off the Strawberry Alarm! To make amends for this most terrible crime we headed straight for the shop to spend our money on a punnet and two strawberry milkshakes.

Let's off road!

Our journey to the Cameron Highlands was slightly more eventful than we'd expected, as the engine of our ageing coach was undone by the 146th hairpin bend on the steep journey to Tanah Rata, and gave up 3km from town. Luckily Mark managed to flag down a passing local bus, argue with the bus driver (driver in Malaysian, Mark using international hand signals for 'bus broke down, give us a lift you cranky bugger') and get the whole coachful of people a lift.

The next morning, we opted for the 'adventure tour' to get ourselves back in the swing of things after all the saunas and chocolate fountains of KL. We hopped in our trusty land rover, complete with decorative horns on the front, and shouted (silently to ourselves, so as not to upset the German and Dutch members of our group) "Let's off road!!!" (For those of you not familiar with the Fast Show, see link below...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNybnRkj-MY&NR=1

We journeyed to the rainforest, turned onto a dirt track, and quickly realised the amount of rain the Highlands has recently received meant that the 30min drive to the trail head would be mostly through waist-deep mud, already churned by numerous other land rovers also taking thrill-seeking westerners on adventure tours.

Our group hiked into the rainforest, crossing rivers and scrambling up the sides of muddy hills, and after scaling a 60 degree incline whilst frantically grasping any nearby tree or bamboo pole for support, we reached the aim of our trek- a chance to see the enormous Rafflesia or 'Malaysian Monster Flower' which was, we concede, worth the effort.

We then had a quick pit stop where Mark and Meg's teamwork was demonstrated to the full when a group member cut her hand, and Mark using his St John Ambulance training bandaged it up on the side of a near-vertical muddy incline, using the first aid kit that Meg had, with her usual foresight, remembered to bring along.

Back down through the rainforest, along the road of continuous mud soup, we stopped in an aboriginal village to practise the art of hunting with blowpipes. After a shaky start, Meg managed to hit the target (better than her usual darts effort, anyway!) and Mark came close to a bullseye. It wasn't clear what he might have won if he'd actually hit it, but monkey brains were being discussed, so perhaps that's just as well...

Luxury and Lovebirds

Following a quick stop in Kuta, Bali, home of pumping nightclubs etc (although we considered it briefly, we sensibly decided not to party through the night and go straight to the airport for our 6am flight) we now find ourselves in Kuala Lumpur ("KL"). And yes, lawyers, Meg is aware that she is using a defined term in a blog post. You can take the girl...

After one night in a severely budget hotel in KL, we came to the conclusion that it would be rude to go budget when there are so many plush hotels in this city. So we checked ourselves into the Sheraton and have been enjoying gym/sauna/poolside action, in between exploring the city's street food stalls and (numerous) shopping malls. An evening spent exploring the organised chaos of Chinatown's market stalls netted Mark a new pair of yes, real, completely genuine Ray-Bans for $2.

We spent the day yesterday navigating the monorail system and trying not to get ourselves squashed walking down roads that were clearly not designed for pedestrians. Since the invention of air conditioning, KLites seem to have decided that being outside and walking anywhere is not the way to do things, which means the only way to walk from A to B (which would, on any map, look like a 5 minute stroll) is to skirt 4 lane highways.

After a stop at the Islamic art museum where Meg enjoyed inspecting the ancient illuminated Korans, we made our way to the bird park and Mark became quite a hit with the resident pairs of lovebirds. Maybe it was the newly trimmed ginger chinstrap.

That evening, following her escapades with the oreos etc, Meg was wary of trying new desserty foodstuffs, so imagine her excitement when it transpired that the Sheraton ALSO has a chocolate fountain which, as previously documented, can have no negative effects whatsoever.

Our next stop will be the Cameron Highlands of Malaysia where we hear you can pick your own strawberries at various strawberry farms. Meg is making arrangements to bring the chocolate fountain in her backpack....

Meg in Wonderland

Meg was getting ready for another day in Indonesia when suddenly the ginger rabbit ran by her muttering to himself ‘Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!'. Meg got very curious and followed him to his scooter.

Unfortunately Meg was too small to get onto the scooter due to not eating enough. She had become bored of eating rice three times a day. Egg-fried-rice for breakfast just seemed a step too far!!

Meg decided to go to the local Bintang Supermarket and find some Western food to eat. There she discovered a stack of her favourite Oreo biscuits (joint favourite with Cheeze-Its, marzipan, dark chocolate and marshmallows).

Anyway, one of the Oreo boxes was marked with the words ‘Eat me’. Hoping that the biscuits would make her grow big enough to get on the scooter, she ate them.

Suddenly Meg found herself growing and she continued growing until she almost reached the ceiling of the supermarket.

How to cook the perfect Jerzak

1. Seal the surface of the Jerzak using factor 30+ sun cream
2. Place Jerzak on a sun-bed directly beneath equatorial sun
3. Allow Jerzak to cook for 15 minutes on each side and then remove instantly from heat to prevent charring
4. Dunk Jerzak in swimming pool to cool surface of skin
5. Approximately 4 - 5 hours after cooking, coat skin in After-Sun and serve


Note - Do not allow Jerzak to cook beneath direct sunlight for more than 30 minutes otherwise total sweaty vapourisation can occur (see below)

The unexpected party boat

Two days ago we had the bizarre experience of stepping back in time aboard the public ferry from Lombok to Bali. We'd considered flying but opted to save money and take the five hour ferry, and Boy George were we glad we did! After the hoardes of hassling hawkers had finally broken us with their constant "you want buy ... I give you good price ... just look ... only look... how much you want pay?" causing Meg to purchase an over-priced string bracelet and Mark to aggressively demand some peace and quiet, the sellers left the vessel and we departed.

Half an hour into the journey we were surprised to see a singer and electric keyboard player take their places on a small stage we had mistaken for a step. But once the strobe lights were switched on we knew we were in for a show! And what followed was a mastermix of classic 80's hits, most of the lyrics mispronounced and some magical electric keyboard playing. As we crashed and rolled over giant waves, the young singer in high heels fell about the stage struggling to keep her balance while the keyboard player kept going (raising suspicion that he may have been using the demo mode). At one point we fell over the side of a particularly large wave and as the water exploded off the side of the boat, the passengers all gasped and looked to the crew members for emergeny instructions, only to discover they were walking the aisles taking song requests and looking for karaoke volunteers!

However, we survived the ordeal ... and the waves too, and are now back in Bali but this time inland in the town of Ubud. We have again hired a scooter and are using it to explore the rice paddies, monkey forests and temples.

Meg was delighted to discover that Ubud is a place of culture and contains a few Balinese art galleries and museums, one of which we visited today. Mark was equally delighted to discover that Indonesian beer producer, Anker, do an extremely tasty stout which we had not seen anywhere before Ubud. Cheers.

Moving on from paradise

Our decision to extend our stay at the Villa Grasia by yet another day was partly caused by the late night watching Chelsea become English champions, but mostly by the amount of Bintang beers drank before, during and after the game. Anyway, another day in paradise gave Meg the opportunity to have a massage and Mark the time to 'clear his head'.

And so three days after our intended last night, our actual last night in Gili T saw us gathered around a beach bonfire playing the bongos and tambourine with a few friends playing the guitar and us all singing "Hotel California" and "Wonderful Tonight". Who said we couldn't do proper backpacking?!!

We then spent a hot, sweaty evening on the next island, Gili Meno, in a dark damp room with a broken fan - it was cheap but going from 5-stars to no-stars was never going to be easy.

After one night we moved on and are now investigating the island of Lombok on a scooter. It's fairly safe once you get the hang of dodging mud, rocks, cows, buses and goats spread across the roads, but Mark is driving cautiously (a rare sight!). We have yet to see rice paddies etc so are off in search of them tomorrow, to find out how all the rice we've been eating (and eating) gets grown.

Luxury on Gili T

We are now on the beautiful Lombok island of Gili Trawangan. Having escaped the reptilian wildlife of Candidasa we stayed one night in the port town of Padang Bai before catching a speedboat out to the Gili islands. We took advantage of the off-season rates at the hotels and checked in to the 5* luxury of the Villa Grasia.

The hotel is right on the beach and from our first snorkelling adventure we quickly discovered that only 50 metres off shore are amazing coral reefs and tropical fish. By holding one of Mark's hands throughout, Meg was able to overcome her fears of the sea and we spent a few hours observing the sealife beneath us.


Yesterday we hired bikes and cycled around the 3km long by 2km wide island (stopping for a coca cola and a coconut for refreshment). We were due to check out of our hotel today, and travel on to the quieter Gili island of Gili Meno but Mark is concerned about the prospects of finding a bar showing the Chelsea game - there is an irish bar on this island called Tir Na Nog which claims that Trawangan is the smallest island is the world with an irish bar. And it is showing the football tonight!! Meg is campaigning for a further two nights in the gorgeous resort as we have been promised a beach bonfire and evening concert by the waves by the friendly staff at the hotel if we stay on (any excuse).


Oh yeah, and somewhere along the way Mark was attacked by a pair of clippers...

Cleaning out our closet

Having spent our last evening in Singapore watching chelsea take their penultimate step towards the premier league title, we took a 2 & 1/2 hour flight south of the equator to Bali. Following a taxi race along the single carriageway road overtaking every motorbike on the island, we arrived in to the peaceful town of Candidasa.

The apparent 'dry season' was nowhere to be seen - a torrential downpour was hitting the island. We made our way to our private bungalow and set about unpacking, only to be greeted by a 15 inch lizard hiding in the wardrobe. Half an hour later, having shepherded it from the wardrobe out of the front door (via the back of the mirror and inside the curtains) we were finally safe enough for meg to come out from behind the mosquito net!

That evening we had a nice dinner in the resort restaurant and Meg retired to the room to read a book, while Mark headed down to the local weightlifting den to make friends with some Balinese Arnies. Our slightly-less-than-smooth introduction to paradise was completed by a power cut to the town a couple of hours before bedtime. A quick distribution of candles (thanks Emily!) around the room sorted Meg out, while Mark had thoughtfully taken the torch to the gym.

By this morning the storm had cleared and we spent a few leisurely hours by the pool before heading down to the beach for a drink. The cupboard door has remained shut!

All you can eat meat and a chocolate fountain

We are staying with Ana & Miles in Singapore enjoying a couple of days of luxury before we pretend to be backpackers for real! Between champagne brunch at the Mandarin Oriental and a planned trip this evening to Raffles, I think you could say we haven't quite got the hang of this whole budget thing yet. Meg did make full use of the mountain of oysters and lobster and the chocolate fountain at brunch though (but not on the same plate), whilst Mark got real value for money by attempting to consume every last one of their waygu beef hamburgers. We're on our way back out now to find a bar in which to ensconce ourselves for the Chelsea game.

Next stop- Bali!